Rock climbing and hotdogs are one in the same. They both require the same
special hand gripping techniques; that be crimping, pinching, meat hook, and
even a fist jam.
Now you probably don’t believe me when I say that rock climbing and hotdogs
both require the same special hand gripping techniques. But remember that I
have a Masters PhD in Hotdog Analytics and am currently studying to get my
Doctorates.
That probably doesn’t mean anything to you, so let me take a step back and show
you why rock climbing and hotdogs both require the same special hand gripping
techniques. And I think the best place to start will be to talk about what the
heck is rock climbing?
Imagine having legs and being able to use them to walk up the stairs. Also
imagine that you have arms and are able to use them to carry grocery bags up
the stairs. Taking that concept, walking up the stairs with grocery bags, if we
substitute the stairs for a wall and grocery bags for rocks, that’s rock
climbing. But you don’t grab the rock like it’s bag handle, you have to grab
the rock like it’s a water bottle.
Now that we know what the heck rock climbing is, let’s talk about what the heck
is hotdog.
Imagine having teeth and being able to use it to chomp on a chicken sushi roll.
Also imagine that you have hands and are able to use them to pick up two water
bottles. Taking that concept, chomping on a chicken sushi roll and picking up
two water bottles, if we substitute the chicken sushi roll for a pork tube and
water bottles for buns, that’s hotdog. But you don’t grab the bun like it’s a
chicken sushi roll, no chopsticks, you have to grab the bun like you’re holding
two water bottles. Two hand that hotdog.
Now that we know what the heck hotdog is, let’s talk about how the heck rock
climbing and hotdog are one in the same.
Imagine that you are face-to-face with a v0 rock climbing wall, you secure onto
the rocks like it’s two water bottles and you use your legs to balance your
body while you pootle up the wall. Also imagine being face-to-face with a
hotdog, you grasp onto the bun like it’s two water bottles and you use your
legs to balance your body while you devour this pork tube. If I didn’t tell you
that you were face-to-face with a v0 rock climbing wall or hotdog bun, you’d be
confused as to what you snatched. Pootle up a wall or devour a pork tube?
That’s what your mind will try to figure out after your legs balance your body
out. You wouldn’t know what to do, you just wouldn’t. And that’s coming from
personal experience as a Masters PhD (soon to also include Doctorates) in
Hotdog Analytics.
That was me when I went rock climbing one day and then went to get a hotdog at
Hooligan’s Super Bar, the Super Bar East Side experience. Spending countless
hours at the rock climbing gym, crimping different rocks, flagging each block,
and fist jamming a crack; I was beat. I couldn’t figure out how to untie my
velcro shoes without tiring myself even more.
Then to quickly transition my mental tired state to grasping onto a hotdog bun,
my mind was racing on what my legs should do after I was balanced out. I had
that hotdog bun in a two handed crimp like I was back at the gym. Eating this
hotdog wasn’t like any other hotdog out there. I broke a sweat from eating this
hotdog. One part of my body was devouring this pork tube and the other part of
my body was pootling up the table. It was a full body workout if I ever worked
out.
If there was a quote to put this hotdog review together, I would believe it would be
Come on, Imma get you over my head like a big boy. He’s been rude to me his whole life!