Let’s set the stage before the hotdog review. I’m in Glendalough, Ireland, at
least 5,500km away from home, finished what is probably the longest hike
known to man, and it’s around 1200. The only thing I’ve had to eat today was a
big ole slice of pie, some granola bars, and a lot of water. So you could say
I’m up to my forehead of being absolutely famished!
Now that you know what I am feeling and just accomplished, you’ll get a better
sense on my review of what is probably the longest hotdog known to man.
But before I get to the review, let me give you a brief history of Irelands
hotdogs. Some of you already know this but in Ireland, they sit in the right
hand side of the car and drive on the left side of the road while driving
stick. Americans might be confused as to why this is and they claim that
Ireland (and other countries) drive on the wrong side of the road. But did you
know they did this because of an accident that led to a 5 year old girl death
back in 1700’s?
You see, some young bloke was driving his horse carriage on the right side of
the road while sitting on the left side of the carriage, and this young bloke
was eating a hotdog with his right hand (which is his dominant hand) while
trying to shift gears in his horse carriage with his right hand. This young
bloke tried reaching his left hand over to shift gears on his horse carriage
where he smacked his right hand and dropped his hotdog on the floor. The hotdog
rolled up to the gas pedal and slamed down on it which led to the horse carriage
to go full force of 2 horse power.
At the same time, the 5 year old girl was crossing the street when the young
bloke was going full force with his 2 horse power horse carriage. The horses
trampled over the 5 year old girl which led to her death 40 years later of
natural causes. When the police came to her death bed, her last words were
If only we could drive on the left side of the road while sit on the right
side of the car, we could enjoy our eating our hotdogs while changing gears
safely on our horse carriage, I would’ve lived a couple more years and eaten a
couple more hotdogs.
This is the reason why people around Europe drive on the other side.
Now that you know why people drive on the other side of the road in Europe,
you’ll get a better sense on my review as to why I think getting this hotdog
was what is probably the longest time to wait in line to order a hotdog.
You see, after the hike my friends and I went to order our hotdog and we waited
in line. There was a family of three ahead of us ordering their hotdog where
they ordered six hotdogs. But it wasn’t like “we’ll have six hotdogs”, it was
“we’ll have three hotdogs” and then the youngest girl was “no daddy! I want
two hotdogs!” and the older sister said “yeah dad, I want two hotdogs”. So
the dad said to the cashier lady “alright we’ll have five hotdogs”. The cashier
lady added those two hotdogs to the order and the cashier lady said, “would you
like everything on it? Onions, mustard, ketchup.” and the girls started to cry,
oh my gosh! They cried to their dad saying “dad, we hate onions, mustard, and
ketchup”. So the dad pled to the cashier lady, “please stop, don’t add that to
the hotdogs. Don’t you see what you’re doing to my children! You’re hurting
them.” and the cashier lady had to restart the order completely from the start.
Then the dad said, “since you made my childern cry, you have to give me, the
dad, two hotdogs with no onions, mustard, and ketchup for free?” to the
cashier lady. So in total they order six hotdogs for a family of three with no
onions, mustard, and ketchup.
After the family of three finished their order, I walked up to the cashier lady
and I didn’t want to cause any more trouble to this cashier lady after what I
just witnessed so I went for the most basic order of all; one hotdog with
everything on it with one bag of fries and with one can of diet coke. No
troubles. No issues. No changes to the hotdog. Just a basic order.
Seeing that the family of three ordered six hotdogs and I ordered my basic meal
after them, I knew that I was going to wait for my hotdog for at least 2 hours
before they got theirs. But to my suprise, I got my one hotdog with
everything on it with one bag of fries and with one can of diet coke before
the family of three got their six hotdogs.
I walked up to get my one hotdog with everything on it with one bag of
fries and with one can of diet coke and gave a drooling smile to the family
of three that ordered six hotdogs because I got mine before them because I
didn’t cause any troubles to the cashier lady.
I grabbed my hotdog and a gust of air came out of my mouth because I wasn’t
prepared for what I was about to hold. This, I told myself, is probably the
longest hotdog known to man and I am about to eat it after doing what is
probably the longest hike know to man and having to wait in what is probably
the longest time to stand in line to order a hotdog.
I walked to my table where my friend was waiting for me and I told her, “you
won’t believe what I just witnessed” and I told her the story of the family of
three ordering six hotdogs and then crying when asked if they want onions,
mustard, and ketchup on their hotdogs.
I unwrap my hotdog and I saw true beauty. The hotdog was cooked first on the
grill then deep fried to make the outside crunchy while maintaining the inside
juicy. The onions were chopped into small bits and then deep fried. The bun
were cut in half to place the hotdog between and was not deep fried but it
was toasted on the grill. With my first bite into the hotdog, hand to God, I
came into contact with the 5 year old girl that got trampled by the 2 horse
power horse carriage that was driven by the young bloke that dropped his hotdog
while trying to shift gears on with his left hand on the right side of the road
while sitting on the left side of the car. I felt her when she told her last
words on changing the way they drive in Ireland. I too want to be able to
drive, eat a hotdog, and shift gears all together at the same time.
The hotdog was that good, it popped me back into a fifth dimension where I
could see time, space, and taste differently.
If there was a quote to put this hotdog review together, I would believe it would be
If you keep asking me questions, I’m going to beat the crap out of you.